This is something I’ve been contemplating for a long time. And I’m still one of those people who has a private Tumblr blog that I post on and no one ever reads. But, as you all know, or at least I’ve posted about before, I fought depression during my GCSEs and sixth form, and while I’ve managed to come out the other end stronger and happier, it has left its marks. So, I really wanted to write this, partly just because I want to, and also, it might help any of you who are still in the middle of your fight.
To me on my 17th Birthday,
Considering all the successes of this year (passing your driving test, getting your first proper job, getting AABB in your AS Levels, repairing relationships etc. etc.), this will also be the worst year of your life. And there will be many points in this year when you will think that life is no longer worth it, that this will never end, and the culmination of the last few years is just too much. And your 18th year is still a bit meh, but you will get to University and you will find yourself. Yes, you will have your heart broken, you will miss home, and your best friend will never be free when you are and vise versa and you will miss her more than anything, but you will be happy. Yes, happy.
In January, Alex will tell the school what you’ve been going through, and it’s that month when everything will feel like too much. You’ll end up in hospital, you won’t be allowed to sit your exams, you will take time off school and life, and your dad will break just as you have. But, as cheesy as it sounds, it has to get worse before it gets better.
You need to remember these simple facts;
- While your parents have only just split after what seemed like a completely flawless marriage, mum did it because she needed to. And it will take her about a year, but she will be happier than you will have ever seen her.
- Dad will be heartbroken, and even now, I don’t think he will ever entirely get over it. But, you will become closer to him than you have ever been in your life.
- You are beautiful. And while it’s something I’m still not completely on board with, you will begin to feel comfortable in your own skin.
- Your little brother is your best friend. He’s the one who will never judge, never leave, and you can tell anything.
- It’s ok to cry.
- You are not a terrible person for breaking up with someone.
I mean, I feel like there’s a lot more you should know before you embark on this year. But, I don’t want to go on forever. It’s perfectly acceptable to need help, and need time, and take as much of it as you need.
And know it gets better,
21 year old Katie x